Public stoning is often practiced in third world countries for acts that we would consider minute here in the United States. We have often referred to it as barbaric and inhumane, yet we have our very own system for such punishment. We hide behind our computers, phones and other electronic devices as we rain a meteor shower of cruel, judgmental tweets and posts.
From cyber bullying, relationship choices, recent rants on how celebrities look in bathing suits to parenting bashing, nothing is off limits these days. As if any cruel words we can launch can correct or even hurt parents who have experienced horrific challenges due to choices they made. I can only imagine what thoughts must be going through their minds, the harsh judgments and unkind words they could be speaking to themselves right now.
As a parent, I know that I did not always make the best choices, but I made the best choices in that moment. I can remember one event that made me so ashamed that, as I share it with you, it brings me right back to that moment. I can feel the shame, judgment and embarrassment. I was on vacation in Colorado with my then-husband and our two boys, who were two and seven. My husband fell asleep while I was in the shower and somehow my youngest was able to open the room door and walk out. When I got out of the shower, I quickly noticed he was missing. I asked my oldest where he was and he pointed to the door. My heart sank and without even thinking, I was running down the hallway of the resort in nothing but a towel. I found him surrounded by strangers wondering what type of parent would let their child run around unsupervised. In that moment, I had never been so relieved and shamed at the same time. I saw their faces and heard their whispers as we walked away. I had been judged, tried and found guilty by my peers. Fourteen years later, I can still only speculate how he got out of the room. Fortunately for me, social media wasn’t in existence at that time.
We are all familiar with the saying, “It takes a village…” What happened to our villages? Where are they now? How do we stand by, watch and even photograph and video horrific incidences while we say and do nothing to stop or prevent them? Yes, you may get a dirty look from someone or even cursed but isn’t that better than the alternate situations we have witnessed? Instead, we upload pictures and videos, slinging our “cyber stones” for the vast and far-reaching world of social media to devour, never thinking of the impact on the people at whom they are aimed.
There have been times I have passed my personal judgment on people and situations, feeling I had the right and wisdom to do so, lapsing into the ease of criticism. I realized my judgment did nothing to make any part of the situation or the person better. I wanted and still want change.
Change comes from awareness and making different and better choices.
I now have awareness and I am working towards freeing myself from the rubble caused by casting judgment, cyber or otherwise. As I now know, we can only see in others what we see in ourselves, the good and the bad. I try to understand what that person may be experiencing and attempt to find understanding and compassion instead of judgment and criticism. As author Bill Bullard so eloquently stated, “Opinion is really the lowest form of human knowledge. It requires no accountability, no understanding. The highest form of knowledge… is empathy, for it requires us to suspend our egos and live in another’s world. It requires profound purpose larger than the self kind of understanding.” My life and my choices haven’t always been perfect or correct from our human perspective, but I know that they have been perfect and correct for me. Every experience, good or bad, has led me to who I am now and who I will be in the future. How about you? Have you led a perfect life, been a perfect parent or friend, achieved the perfect weight or look? Our current culture reminds me of another old saying, “People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.” I encourage all of us to really contemplate our lives and our actions before we hit the “enter” key and cast our cyber stones.
